CRAZY PEOPLE TALK
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
FIXING AN AILMENT
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most
reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are
free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were
called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait
as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come
in for her questioning.
When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from
the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know
why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you
will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor
with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.
The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what
would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much
thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely
blind," - said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor
then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.
When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions
would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed
the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would
happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering
what he had been told.
This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other
question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would
happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with
a smile as if he knew he had passed.
But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly,
"My hat would fall down over me eyes."
ПО ЩУЧЬЕМУ ВЕЛЕНИЮ
Пошел Емеля за водой. Только закинул ведерко в прорубь, как попалась ему большая щука.
- Наварю-ка из этой щуки ухи. Славная уха будет, жирная!
А щука плеснула хвостом в ведерке и говорит человечьим голосом (откуда же ей было знать, в какие края ее занесло):
- Release me, youngster, and I'll make you a rich man!
Емеля, конечно, ничего не понял и съел щуку.
МОРАЛЬ: Знание иностранных языков иногда может принести немалую пользу.